Speaking with a reporter recently, Justin Trudeau apologized for allowing the Bank of Canada to “crash the real estate market through unprecedented interest rate hikes” and said he has instructed Tiff Macklem, the governor of the Bank of Canada, to continue cutting rates to bring some balance back to the markets. “We will continue to spend your money recklessly”, he said, “while ensuring to line the pockets of asset owners throughout this country as we head into an election next year. We want to make sure that we get the votes that are important to us by widening the wealth gap and making life more affordable for those that already have money.”
He went on to explain that inflation needs to rise above the going interest rates to cover up how much his government has spent during his time in office, but added “You’ll forgive me if none of this makes sense, I don’t really think much about monetary policy. I get most of my information from Instagram and hash out policy while smoking weed with friends from my ski instructor days.”
When prodded about the cost of groceries, lumber and everything else in the Canadian marketplace, he deflected the question and boasted, “It doesn’t matter how expensive groceries are. We have made the average Canadian a millionaire,” pointing to data from stats Canada that the average household net worth reached $1,009,483, an increase of about 2.5 per cent from a year ago.
"Creating competition in the marketplace by opening our borders is one of the many highlights of my career." He said. "By adding about 500,000 new immigrants per year to this country and restricting new housing construction through red tape, we have successfully monetized real estate and created a very cushy retirement for the majority of my voter base. For everyone who can't afford housing, we will just send them checks in the mail, no questions asked. I look forward to continuing to serve all Canadians if I'm elected yet again."
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